Sonic the Hedgehog 3

!!!SEMI-SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THIS GLORIOUS PIECE OF FILM!!!

This movie was silly! It was the best! I had a great time!

I saw this alone in a small theater. It made me feel sad for the children of today. This was a KIDS movie and I (a twenty-eight-year-old man-bear-pig) laughed the most out of every kid there. So many great jokes went over their heads. They should have just stayed home and watched Cocomelon or some shit.

Anyway, I love Sonic. I barely played any of the Sonic games growing up but, I still love that blue hedgehog. I think I love the SCU (Sonic Cinematic Universe or Sega Cinematic Universe?) the most. You haven't lived if you haven’t watched the Knuckles series on Paramount+. It’s a show that should not exist but does and I’ll never stop telling people to watch it. It’s absurd and insane just like this new Sonic movie.

Jim Carrey was incredible playing TWO Dr. Eggmen. At one point they do an amazing dance number in the middle of some lasers. I loved it.

There wasn’t a lot of action which I was bummed out about. It was cool seeing Sonic and Shadow fight but it all happened so fast (which I guess is the point because they’re the two fastest creatures in the universe? Maybe? Idk?).

Shadow had a profoundly sad backstory and Keanu Reeves was a fine voice. You could have had anyone with a low register voice Shadow and it would have worked. Shit, I could have done Shadow’s voice. Put me in coach.

My favorite piece of dialogue in this movie is when the two Eggmen go off to do something and leave Shadow and Young Eggmans henchman, Agent Stone, behind. Agent Stone says “Come on Shadow, we’ve got avocados in the ship. We’ll make guac”. With absolutely ZERO emotion, Shadow looks into the distance and replies “Revenge guac”. I was laughing so goddamn hard it was amazing.

I am so excited for the fourth, fifth, and sixth movies in this series. I hope they have crossovers with the Super Mario movies and eventually make a Super Smash Bros. movie. I’M ALL IN BABY!

FINAL RATING: 9/10