Kraven the Hunter

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO SEE THIS DUMPSTER FIRE OF A MOVIE!!!

I went into this movie only seeing one trailer. I knew the character kind of well thanks to reading Spider-Man comics. It’s like whoever made this movie picked up a Spider-Man comic where Kraven was the villain and said “Let’s do everything that isn’t this!”. I’m going to tell you some of the things about this movie that pissed me off and then one saving grace and that’s it.

Kraven (played by Aaron Taylor Johnson) had an American accent. Why in the actual fuck would Sergei Kravinoff have an American accent? I was expecting to hear a thick Russian accent but they threw that out of the window even though his dad had one.

I guess Kraven’s brother Dimitri (played by Fred Hechinger) had some sort of growing disease? His head seemed too big for his body the whole time and made me uneasy. He was wearing a blue turtleneck for the majority of the movie. His head looked HUGE. I cannot stress that enough. It was super fucking weird. I guess Fred didn’t have the body for it so they just did some bad CGI and pasted his head on a small boys. WTF.

There are too many fucking villains in this movie. Kraven is seen as the “hero” the whole time but there are three villains doing so much shit in this movie it’s annoying. One is a guy called The Foreigner and he sucks dick. His whole thing is that he can count to three and teleport and kill people or something? They show him doing this WAY too many fucking times. I understood his weird power after the first time. I’M NOT A BABY. STOP SPOON FEEDING ME!!!!!!. Kraven’s dad is a villain in the sense that he’s a horrible parent. That’s it.

The big, big villain is Rhino. There’s something wrong with this guy’s body so he wears a backpack filled with a medical cocktail to stop him from becoming a weird rhino/human thing. He’s a mob boss that wants to kill all of the other mob bosses. At one point something happens that he doesn’t like and he laughs like the joker. It sucks! This movie sucks!

Calypso (played by Ariana DeBose) had no emotion throughout the movie. She’s the one who gave Kraven this weird hippie dippy concoction from her grandmother that saved him after he got mauled by a lion. Kraven finds her when she’s older and is like “I NEED MORE OF THIS” and then we don’t hear about it again until the end of the movie.

There’s one scene of the movie where he’s literally sneaking behind people in this abandoned monastery and no one hears him. it’s BRAIN DEAD.

I guess the message of this movie was to believe in yourself? I have no fucking idea. It was all over the place. At one point Kraven was running on the walls on all fours. It’s that kind of movie.

I saw this movie with my friend and at many points throughout he would loudly say “IT’S KRAVEN TIME!”. It was so fucking funny. It was one of the best movie experiences because of him. There were multiple times when a shitty line would be said and we would look at each other like “What the fuck is going on.”. I’d like to thank him for making this movie a little tad bit watchable with his company.

I have ONE singular good thing to say about this movie: Aaron Taylor Johnson’s hair was luscious and I strive to have hair like that one day.

FINAL RATING: 2/10